Friday, August 21, 2009


A very dear friend sent me a gift card for a massage last week. I went yesterday - it was utterly divine!

The room was very cool, but there was a sheet and blanket. The lights were very dim and soft music was playing. He really worked on my back - but the best part was my arms and legs. When the 50 minutes was over, I didn't think I would be able to stand up - I was that relaxed. I swear it was better than sex!! Or similar - you know when it's been so good you can't stand up - well - like that!

I will definitely be reworking my budget to include $50.00 a month for that hour of ultimate relaxation - check them out at - they have over 600 locations across America. Well worth the time my friends, well worth the time!

How Many Trips to Vanderbilt Will I Make?

I should have been counting them this year - how many times I've been over there! I get bloodwork every other Tuesday, regularly. For the next month or so I have multiple appointments.

I am having a repeat echocardiogram on August 25 - this is to see if the pressures in my heart have improved at all. I pray they have - I feel better but that's not really an indicator. If the meds and weight loss have not helped them to improve, I am in worse trouble that I thought and pretty big trouble.

The next week I will see a cardiologist, for the first time. The one I'm seeing is also on the transplant team. While those words have not come up, I know enough to know that if things are not any better, a heart/lung transplant would be the best option for a longer life. But, I've already decided that I will not do that. Between the history of having a wet body (easy to retain fluid) and the blood clots, I doubt the transplant team would approve me and I'd really question them if they did - I mean I'm not about to be another science experiment!!

I see the GYN again September 24 and between now and then will have a mammogram and bone density scan. Those seem a little mute on point to me, if my heart is going to give out in a year or two, who cares if I have cancer or brittle bones???

I don't mean to sound ugly - I just won't go thru massive rounds of treatment for things that won't make a lot of difference.

I do hope for at least 3-5 more years - so that I can see Renee finish college and get into her field of work. Maybe in that period of time I will see Lynn get himself together and be a productive citizen.

It is humbling in more ways than one to realize that your life is closer to being over - I mean everyday after 40 we are all over 1/2 of the way done, but, this feels a little different to me. And, after all of the feelings after the divorce, etc. I want to love again. No expectations this time, no children to raise, just me and a special someone doting on each other daily, making each day the best it can be.

If I sound like I'm in a pity party, I'm really not, I've just realized even a few more things than I already knew.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Wasted Time and Money

So, you want to know how to waste $17,000.00 and a few hours? Implant an IUD into Lisa! Yep, after all that I've been thru with the 60 day cycle, the pain, etc. I had an ultrasound last Thursday only to be told that the IUD is gone. Where the hell did it go? No one knows - except the theory is that when I passed the gallons of blood and clots in the office, it must have been there.

Yesterday the doctor's office called - to tell me that they were calling in a prescription for progesterone (again!) to try and prevent me from bleeding at all and I'll see the doctor again on Sept. 24. Since I'm still opting for the hysterectomy, maybe we can see that in the near future.

I have lost about 40 of the 100 pounds she had said needed to go before surgery, last Tuesday I was down to 435. Lowest weight in 10 years for me!!

I am hoping to be below 400 when I see her on 9/24 - BUT - if I can't have surgery before November - it will have to wait until February 15. We get too busy in the shop from Thanksgiving thru Valentine's Day for me to be off. Of course, surgery on February 15 gives me time to heal good before I go to Costa Rica in the late spring. I'm so excited about that trip I can hardly contain myself! The weather is perfect - 60 degrees at night, only 80 during the day! I may never come back!!

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

New Numbers

So, after the last post I had a really bad couple of days with the first cycle after having an IUD implanted. Alas, though, that seems to be the norm with the first one and I'm looking forward to better days. Although it might have been horrible for a couple of days, it was only a total of 6 days!! 6 days - after my episode lasting more than 60 days I am relieved!

AND, on that note, I had lost 6 more pounds - I'm now down to 437!! That is unbelievable to me - I am 38 pounds from being under 400 for the first time in about 15 years!! And that 38 doesn't scare me at all!!

I see the doctor August 11 - I am hoping to be down to at least 425 and I'd love to break 400 by Labor Day! Don't know if I can, but I'm trying!

The increased energy and desire to move about is creating some problems - my left hip is still driving me insane. I am going to have to see an orthopaedic - which I swore off years ago - but I really think the bone loss in my right ankle has shortened that leg and the compensation I make in walking is causing the left hip pain. Now, I don't have MD after my name, but I live in this body. I think a little build up under my right heal, even with an insert, may change things. I could try that couldn't I?

Another updated after next Tuesday!!